How to Talk to Children About Touching Safety Without Scaring Them

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Parents, teachers and other caring adults often teach children guidelines for bike, water and street safety. Children do not become fearful of bicycles, swimming pools and crosswalks as a result of this instruction. Touching safety can be approached in the same straightforward matter-of-fact manner. Ideas for talking with children about touching safety follow:

• Include touching safety rules when you talk about other types of safety.
  • "If you are touched by an someone in a way that you don’t feel right about, tell me or __________ about it. We will believe you and help you.


• Repeat simple safety guidelines often.
  • "We don’t keep secrets about touching in our family"
  • "Grownups don’t usually need to touch children in private areas unless it’s for health or hygiene reasons"
  • "Never go away with or get in a car with a grown up you don’t know, no matter what they tell you"
  • "Trust your inner-voice (instincts, judgment) if it’s telling you something doesn’t seem right"


• Establish your own set of family rules.
  • "Do not let others know if you are home alone"
  • "Your opinion is important when we try a new babysitter or have a problem with a babysitter"
  • "You can say "no" to anyone who wants you to break one of our family rules. I will back you up"
  • "You can ride in a car with _______ or ________ but not with anyone else without asking first"


• Play "what ifs" to practice decision-making.
  • "What if you were playing (someplace you aren’t suppose to play) and a man or woman tried to make you get in their car?"
  • "What if you and I got separated at the shopping mall"
  • "What if someone we know really well touched you in a confusing way and asked you to keep it a secret"
  • "What if a person offered you money (or something you really wanted) if you would break our family rules"


• Help children develop assertiveness skills. Practice responding verbally:
  • "I don’t tell people that"
  • "I don’t want to be tickled. Could we take a walk instead"
  • "Leave me alone, I’ll tell"
  • "I’m not allowed to do that"
  • "No"


• Practice responding non-verbally:

  Taking someone’s hand off them, running away, moving away, standing tall, shoulders back, looking person in the eye, shaking head.

• Teach Children that adults aren’t always right
  • "Most adults touch children in appropriate ways, but some adults are mixed up and don’t make good decisions about touching children"
  • "If you aren’t sure about something a grownup says or does, ask me to help explain it"


• Teach children that there are certain things that adults, older children and babysitters shouldn’t do
  • "No one has the right to put their hand down your pants, force you to touch them, touch your body if you say "no" or touch your private body parts"


• Help children develop a dignified vocabulary for parts of the body.

  Children with no words other than slang or family names might be embarrassed to ask for help with a touching problem. The correct terms for body parts "breast, penis, vagina" are dignified and enable children to express themselves clearly. A possible substitute for medical terminology might be "private body parts" or "the parts of a body that are covered by underwear or a bathing suit".

• Teach children that touching safety rules apply all the time

  They just don’t apply with strangers or with babysitters. We do our children a great disservice when we talk to them only about "stranger danger," since over 90 percent of all sex crimes are committed by someone known to the victim. Teaching children that touching safety rules apply ALL THE TIME, whether it’s by a stranger or someone they know, is important in safety instruction. Remember: It’s uncommon for a child to be sexually abused by a stranger.