Acquaintance Rape: Can I reduce my risk?

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Sexual assault is any sexual activity that is forced. Sexual assault is an act of control, aggression and anger. The force used against you can be physical such as hitting, being held against your will, or being threatened by a weapon. It also can be emotional or psychological, such as being pressured into sex through guilt, being given money or gifts in exchange for sex, or being taken advantage of while you are under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

More than 90 percent of sexual assault victims are assaulted by someone they know, such as a family member, friend, date, acquaintance, or neighbor. Both men and women, boys and girls can be victims of sexual assault.

Many victims of sexual assaults are groomed by the offender, who is seeking an opportunity to find someone who may be vulnerable to his/her tactics. Offenders seek victims who they believe are easy targets. Because victims don't control offenders' behaviors, there is no guaranteed way to prevent sexual assault, but there are very specific steps you can take to reduce your vulnerability to offenders. The following are some suggestions to deter a sex offender:

• Be careful of your use of alcohol and drugs. Vulnerability increases when one is intoxicated or high.
• Know your sexual intentions and limits. You have the right to say "no" to any unwanted sexual contact.
• Communicate your limits firmly and directly. You have the right to expect your limits to be respected. You also have the right to change your mind. Even if you initially consented, when you say no, the sexual act should end.
• Listen to your feelings. If you feel uncomfortable or think you may be at risk, leave the situation immediately and go to a safe place.
• Don’t be afraid to "make waves" if you feel threatened. If you are being pressured or coerced into sexual activity against your will don’t hesitate to state your feelings and get out of the situation. Better a few minutes of social awkwardness or embarrassment than the trauma of a sexual assault.
• Attend large parties with friends you can trust. Agree to "look out" for one another. Try to leave with a group rather than alone or with someone you don’t know well.
• When starting to date a new acquaintance have the first few dates in a public place. Avoid becoming isolated with someone you don’t know well. Arrange for your own transportation to and from the location.
• For the first several dates, insist on paying your own way or taking turns with "treating". Sometimes offenders use the "you owe me" line to try to guilt someone into sex.
• As a relationship may progress, avoid becoming physically, emotionally or socially isolated from friends and family. Sometime offenders will use this tactic to make the victim more dependent on them. Assaults within on-going relationships do happen.

Even if we take precautions or steps to make ourselves less vulnerable, there is no guarantee that we can prevent a sexual assault, remember:

• Sexual assault is never the victim’s fault.
• Victims do not cause their assaults.
• Offenders are responsible for their actions.

If you or someone you know is a victim of a sexual assault, there are people and programs who can help.